Go Inside The Ryder Cup Task Force

By Billy Dowling | Feb 18, 2015

The Ryder Cup task force has reportedly spoken and the man leading the U.S. in 2016 will be Davis Love III. The eleven man committee met in super-secret locations and came up with something the rest of us could have figured out on a lunch break. Have you ever wondered what goes on inside those meetings? Here’s an inside look.

First off the meeting takes place in South Beach, not an underground bunker. The first man to speak is PGA of America President Derek Sprague. His contribution was promising not to call Ian Poulter a “little girl.” Then C.E.O Pete Bevacqua and Secretary Paul Levy had little to contribute and just responded with “we’re just here so we don’t get fined.”

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Now to the actual golfers; Paul Azinger never passes up an opportunity to talk. He rises from his seat and proceeds to tell everyone how his team was the only successful unit since 1999. He lays out a full proof plan on the table. It’s a picture of him. So there we go the answer was right there in front of us. Except Zinger says his system is too good to use it more than once. So we move on.

Steve Stricker is up next. The guy barely plays on the PGA Tour these days but when he heard he could leave Wisconsin in the dead of winter for South Beach he was in! Then Rickie Fowler goes next and has a ten minute speech about what it takes to win the Ryder Cup. Considering Rickie has never won a single match during his two appearances, him giving a lecture about winning is the equivalent to Brian Williams talking about journalism ethics.

Phil Mickelson raises his hand to speak. The only reason he’s on the panel is to make sure the ping pong table in the team room is top notch and that Tom Watson is never a captain again. Jim Furyk and Davis Love III are absent when the meetings start. They must have been using Furyk’s faulty alarm clock from the Barclays a few years ago. They’re not disqualified from the meeting: just now their mai tais are up for grabs.

Then finally it’s time for Tiger Woods to speak. He is about to unveil this full proof plan, then he rips it up and changes it. Rips that one up and changes it, before finally trying to change it again. He then goes to stand up; the back flares up and a golf cart comes and takes him away. Shortly after there’s a statement sent to the room that he’s taking an indefinite leave from the proceedings until he can contribute at a high level.

Raymond Floyd is the last one to raise his hand and comes up with the first intelligent idea. He says they should look at “winners” in other sports. Then there’s a knock at the door and Jim Nantz barges into the room. “Hello friends, have you heard of my good friend Bill Belichick?” Brilliant! Now we’ll study how the best coach in the world won his fourth Super Bowl. The only problem is you can’t deflate a golf ball.

So these guys have sat in a room for hours and have accomplished nothing. It sounds like Congress or a Roger Goodell press conference. There’s another knock on the door and finally it’s Furk and Love. Mickelson screams, “That’s it, Davis is the guy!” Imagine if Davis would have just been on time?

Alright so maybe this isn’t “exactly” how the whole proceedings went down, but it could be pretty close. Eleven guys meeting over and over to fix the Ryder Cup problems has been a silly concept from the get go. I just can’t wait for the next meeting, and what will be accomplished there. Here’s a tip for them, figure out a way Rory McIlroy misses his flight to Hazeltine in 2016. That should take another few months to figure out.

Next: Davis Love III Is The Right Choice