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Member-Guest Observations: The golf characters you may meet

By West Valentine

PARAMUS, NJ - AUGUST 23: Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland walks on the first hole during the third round of The Barclays at The Ridgewood Country Club on August 23, 2014 in Paramus, New Jersey. (Photo by Darren Carroll/Getty Images)
PARAMUS, NJ - AUGUST 23: Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland walks on the first hole during the third round of The Barclays at The Ridgewood Country Club on August 23, 2014 in Paramus, New Jersey. (Photo by Darren Carroll/Getty Images) /
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NEW DELHI, INDIA – MARCH 29: A Peacock walks along the path during round two of the Hero Indian Open at the DLF Golf & Country Club on March 29, 2019 in New Delhi, India. (Photo by Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images)
NEW DELHI, INDIA – MARCH 29: A Peacock walks along the path during round two of the Hero Indian Open at the DLF Golf & Country Club on March 29, 2019 in New Delhi, India. (Photo by Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images) /

Next on the Member-Guest List: The Peacock

These are the guys that live for the Member-Guest. They have laid out their attire three days in advance. They glad-hand their way around the first tee, wishing others well and serving as an un-elected club ambassador to all the guests.

“Have you played here before? No? Well, you’ve really picked a helluva partner to take you on your first loop,” the Peacock says, poking the other member in the stomach with his driver grip. “Play well out there, guys,” he says without a hint of sincerity.

The Peacock intends to win. His “guest” is a junior salesman from the Omaha office who played college golf at Southwest Northern Middle State Tech. You’ve never heard of the place, but watching the young gun bomb 300-yard drives on the range depresses all the other members and makes the Peacock strut a little taller.

The Peacock will attack the Calcutta that night with a stack of hundreds in each hand. He’ll complain that his team is getting artificially bid-up by that drunk he beat last year in the Four-ball. He’s right. And everyone cheers on the over-served schlub for raising his Gin and Tonics as fast as his bidding paddle.

The Peacock eventually secures his own team at a cost that will be a net loss for the weekend even if he sweeps all the games. But somehow, he’s still prancing around as if he’s secretly fooled the entire field.

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