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Member-Guest Observations: The golf characters you may meet

By West Valentine

PARAMUS, NJ - AUGUST 23: Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland walks on the first hole during the third round of The Barclays at The Ridgewood Country Club on August 23, 2014 in Paramus, New Jersey. (Photo by Darren Carroll/Getty Images)
PARAMUS, NJ - AUGUST 23: Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland walks on the first hole during the third round of The Barclays at The Ridgewood Country Club on August 23, 2014 in Paramus, New Jersey. (Photo by Darren Carroll/Getty Images) /
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NORTON, MA – SEPTEMBER 01: Patrick Reed of the United States looks on during the pro-am event prior to the Deutsche Bank Championship at TPC Boston on September 1, 2016 in Norton, Massachusetts. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)
NORTON, MA – SEPTEMBER 01: Patrick Reed of the United States looks on during the pro-am event prior to the Deutsche Bank Championship at TPC Boston on September 1, 2016 in Norton, Massachusetts. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images) /

Next on the Member-Guest List: The Club Jerk

This is the guy every member is rooting against. If he’s a good golfer, everyone is rooting harder. The Club Jerk is the guy who complains about the golf staff, yells at the fore-caddies, bad-mouths the Superintendent for a small patch of winter-kill on the 16th fairway, and wonders aloud how (insert popular member name) got into the club.

Meanwhile, everyone else is wondering if the creek on 14 is sufficiently deep to hide a human body.

My friends and I have a formula for fellow members. We call it the “High Jerk-High Use Corollary”.

You are a nice guy who uses the club a lot – fine.
You are a nice guy who doesn’t use the club a lot – also fine
You are a jerk who doesn’t use the club much – bearable
You are a jerk who is at the club all the time – unbearable

Don’t be a four.

The Club Jerk is usually a pretty good stick. That’s part of his persona. As the field narrows to the final Shootout, all the other members are hoping some guy who has a vanity handicap comes along and knocks him out. It rarely happens.

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