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Member-Guest Observations: The golf characters you may meet

By West Valentine

PARAMUS, NJ - AUGUST 23: Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland walks on the first hole during the third round of The Barclays at The Ridgewood Country Club on August 23, 2014 in Paramus, New Jersey. (Photo by Darren Carroll/Getty Images)
PARAMUS, NJ - AUGUST 23: Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland walks on the first hole during the third round of The Barclays at The Ridgewood Country Club on August 23, 2014 in Paramus, New Jersey. (Photo by Darren Carroll/Getty Images) /
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TADWORTH, ENGLAND – OCTOBER 12: Justin Rose of England visits the host course of the 2018 British Masters supported by Sky Sports at Walton Heath Golf Club on October 12, 2017 in Tadworth, England. (Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images)
TADWORTH, ENGLAND – OCTOBER 12: Justin Rose of England visits the host course of the 2018 British Masters supported by Sky Sports at Walton Heath Golf Club on October 12, 2017 in Tadworth, England. (Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images) /

Next on the Member-Guest List: The Visiting Member

This chap has been a member for 27 years but no one has ever seen him. He belongs to eight other clubs across the continent, only descending on his “home club” once or twice a year to spend his food minimum. Since he lives on golf courses, he’s sneaky good. Of course, his handicap card only shows six scores in the last decade because he’s never at his home course with access to the GHIN computer.

Several folks remind him that there is an app for posting scores. He responds by pulling out a Motorola RAZR flip-phone from 2007 and saying, “I don’t even know if this has internet access. It just takes calls, and no one ever calls.”

I wonder why?

His guest is getting annoyed because people keep asking him if he’s a new member. The same thing is happening to the actual member who soon begins moping around, upset that the bag room boys don’t know his name. Most weren’t born the last time he played a round at the club.

This guy skips all the drinks and dinners, taking his guest to local hot spots he had to research on Yelp.

As he loads his bag into his rental car on Saturday night, he’s heard muttering, “I’m not sure why I’m even a member here anymore. The place has changed so much since the ‘90’s.”

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