Top Five Incendiary Storylines from the 2019 PGA Tour Season
2. Slow Play Scandal
Bryson DeChambeau murdered a small puppy at the Northern Trust. The puppy was three mon … Wait, no, that’s not right. DeChambeau did not, in fact, murder a small puppy, although it was easy to see how one might be confused. Instead, DeChambeau was playing golf a little slowly this year on the PGA Tour. Okay, maybe more than a little. DeChambeau was caught on video deliberately pacing off a 70-yard chip shot and tediously reading an 8-foot putt at the Northern Trust.
When the videos went viral, golf’s third rail, after years of lying dormant, suddenly erupted in a furious blaze directed at a single person. Eddie Pepperell (who I picked to finish top-10 at the Open, which he did not) even called DeChambeau a “single-minded twit” in a tweet that was later deleted.
Players, announcers, and especially fans (who hardly ever see the slow play on television) shredded DeChambeau to the point where assigning him a protective detail wouldn’t have been out of the question. Especially when this happened:
Was standing on the putting green with Koepka's caddie earlier when an irritated Bryson DeChambeau walked up & told him to tell his boss to make any comment about slow play "to my face". Brooks arrived soon after, got the message & ambled over for a chat with the scientist.
— Eamon Lynch (@eamonlynch) August 11, 2019
But even feeling attacked by the outcry on social media, DeChambeau kept his cool by issuing a very rational response on Instagram in which he stated, “I’m constantly trying to improve and will do my very best to improve my pace.” What? That’s it? Ban him for life! He’s hurting the children! Fight me you coward! Brooks?
While I don’t know what I was expecting the result of this saga to be, I was hoping for a response that was a little more involved.
Something more like this from the mad scientist: “Regarding the issue of slow play, I have tapped a select group of highly skilled individuals to lead a task force directed to examine my last hundred rounds and determine where I can improve my pace of play. I will announce the results at a press conference at a date to be determined. Until then, I am heading to an undisclosed location deep in the Swiss Alps and will remain there until the report is finished.”
Alas, DeChambeau essentially responded by saying what every old person says when they are ridiculed for slow driving, “Okay jeez. I’ll speed up next time. No need to get worked up about it.”
Aside from severely damaging the mental health of a 25-year-old, the slow play scandal has done well to spread awareness of the issue. Indubitably, millions of minutes will be saved, not just on the PGA Tour, but across all levels of golf as a result of DeChambeau’s sacrifice.
This slow play firestorm has reminded me of a conversation I overheard at the first tee of a local golf course not too long ago. A guest was heading to the first tee when he engaged in a conversation with a member who was playing behind him. The guest mentioned that he sucked at golf to which the member responded by proclaiming, “Suck fast.” Put that on the letterhead.