Golf Fashion Gone Wild: The Battle of the Short Socks

Golf fashion can be an oxymoron. Personally, I like to get a little weird on the course. I wear stuff that makes my wife question her life choices if we’re seen together in public. If I have to run an errand after the round, I get looks like I’m an escaped rodeo clown.

It’s all good. In a sport that is highly regimented within the rules of the game, it’s nice that golf attire has few limits beyond a collared shirt and respectable-length shorts. Golf Fashion can consist of neon shirts, straw fedoras, cherry-red patent-leather shoes – all will pass the test at 99.9% of the courses you play.

But then, you’ve never played at my club.

Yes, we are old school. Yes, we are a bit stodgy. It’s part of the “charm”. The golf fashion here consists of lots of plaids, dark wood, and forest-green paint in the clubhouse. No one yells. Music in the cart is frowned upon. Hats are not allowed in the Men’s grill.

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Fine. Great. No problem. Some traditional clubs don’t even allow you to play in shorts. Mine does. I can function under these rules. While I don’t endorse all of it, I don’t protest, either.

But then there is the “Sock Rule”. My club doesn’t allow golfers to wear short socks. Specifically, no ankle socks. You must wear crew socks.

Why? No one can articulate the rationale. It’s a highly emotional and contentious issue. Defenders throw out words like “tradition” and “custom”, but not a single source is cited as precedence. St. Andrews doesn’t have a sock rule. Augusta doesn’t have a sock rule. But, by God, we do. And it gets rigorously enforced.

Most often, guests are the ones who run afoul of the rule. They show up in golf socks (I mean we even call ankle socks “golf socks”!) and the member has to buy them a $15 pair of crew socks to avoid a “letter to the Board”.

I’ve seen people get reported for “illegal” socks. I’ve seen the Assistant Pro have to drive out and sheepishly tell the member that his guest is in violation.

Some guests, particularly those from rival clubs in the area, like to show up with knee-high socks. They are rarely white. Some have pictures or wild designs on them. These, too, will get you in trouble. I learned only recently that long socks must also be “tasteful” in design. Solid colors are acceptable, some light striping is OK. Multi-colored socks, however, mark you as an anarchic hedonist plotting the overthrow of societal norms.

I’m left to wonder which is more offensive – four inches of your bare shin or simply the bravado of donning multi-colored cotton leggings?

Interestingly, women are not held to the same rule. They can wear ankle socks. For reasons I’ll never understand, their bare ankles are considered less offensive to the human eye than mine. Go figure. I think I have some very handsome ankles.

I’ve considered ways around the rule. In our current political atmosphere, I’ve drafted an unsent letter to the Board about changing my gender – applicable only on club grounds – to “Self-Identifying Non-binary Links Salamander”, thereby giving me the politically-correct cover I require to wear short socks.

Would I still be able to play on Men’s Day? Would I also have to petition for a Links Salamander Day? And who would – or could, legally speaking – play with me? You see the pitfalls I’m facing.

Sometimes, when it’s chilly in the Fall, I wear short socks under my long pants. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Rein it in, man. You’re flying too close to the sun!” I think of this act as an homage to another iconic American rebel, James Dean. Except I’m more “Rebel Without a Sand Game”.

I usually push my crew socks way down. That’s allowed. Oddly, you don’t have to have calf socks pulled up to the calf. You can push them down to look like ankle socks, but they can’t actually be ankle socks. This distinction without a difference is within the rules. Before you ask, I don’t know why, either.

You might think that our “Sock Rule” is only embraced by the older members. You’d be wrong. There is no age bracket that defines the “Sockists”, as I call them. Some young guys love the rule, some old guys hate it.

One thing’s for sure. If you see a man out on the town wearing shorts with a tan-line halfway up his leg, you know one of two things:

He is a member of a certain country club in Kansas City
Or, he is single, has eight cats, and has no plans to change that arrangement

I suppose both could be true, but I thankfully haven’t met that guy yet.

Many like that ”The Sock Rule” is an aspect of our club that makes us unique. Fine. We could also have an octopus in the kiddie pool. That would certainly set us apart from other clubs. It seems just as arbitrary as calf-length socks. And probably more fun, too.

Alas, the sock rule isn’t going anywhere. There is a silent majority of Sockists firmly entrenched in the halls of power. The Sockists have somehow commandeered a majority of the Board seats to ward off a coup by the Bare Ankle Party. These are the types of hot-button club issues that arise during an Election Year. Sockism is real. Views are only hardening.

I, of course, blame the Russians. Several current Board members have been seen drinking vodka. I also noticed Beef Stroganoff was just added to the Fall menu. I mean, connect the dots, people! Am I the only one who sees it? Rachel Maddow probably gets it.

Soon, longer socks will be a prudent choice against the chill of fall rather than simply a club dress requirement. I’ll have long pants on when fall hits, but I just might be sporting ankle socks underneath. Might I catch a sniffle? Yes. But these sacrifices are how a real rebel sticks it to The Man.

Next. Forget socks, you might want waders at Whistling Straits.. dark

The life of rebellion is harsh, yes. There are still many battles to be fought. But for the true believers, the cause always takes precedence.

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