Golf Tip: How to deal with a sandbagger at your club

There is no more hated villain in amateur golf than the sandbagger. So how unlikely was it that you lost a match to a 15-handicapper who shot an 81?

Golf is a game that is said to reveal character. This is true in every experience I’ve had. We are also told that cheaters never prosper. This is (sadly) demonstrably false. Cheaters win all the time in life. And nowhere is it more nakedly egregious than watching a sandbagger at your local club tournament.

To lose to a sandbagger is one of the few moments in life when physical violence feels not only appropriate but justified. Alas, you are at a country club, not in a Scorsese film. Kneecapping a sandbagger with a lob wedge is frowned upon. I’m almost certain you’ll get written up for that.

Attempting to telepathically induce a stray golf cart to careen across the fairway and t-bone the guy is less obvious, but also less effective.

So you just stand there as he kisses the Member-Guest trophy and smiles from ear-to-ear. Look at the monster! He’s totally unaffected by the almost certain self-knowledge that he just stole the tournament. Every player at the club knows it.

It takes a serious set of Pro V’s to do that.

The fact that he isn’t cowering in shame makes you tell the assistant pro that, although you are not a licensed mental health professional, you’re pretty sure that guy is a sociopath. After your seventh Manhattan of the afternoon, you eagerly share your diagnosis to anyone in the Men’s Grill who will listen.

And now the sandbagger is in your head. You’ll never beat him. You are a victim before you even tee it up against him down the road.

So let’s demystify the sandbagger with data. Let’s make that 15-handicapper think a little when he says, “Gee, I guess I just got some good bounces today!”

But what are the actual odds of going low? How rare is it? Luckily, some eggheads with a spreadsheet have done this for us.

Sure, every great round is a series of fortunate events. But the higher your handicap, the fewer good shots you hit, and the more breaks you need. That formula just doesn’t work over time.

The USGA calls it “Chances of Shooting an Exceptional Score.” I call it what it is: “Chances you are on a mind-bending cocktail of Human Growth Hormones, Red Bull, and LSD”, or more succinctly – just a sandbagger.

Interestingly, the chances of shooting an exceptionally low net score go up the higher your handicap. In other words, a 21-handicapper is more likely to shoot a comparatively low net score than a 4-handicapper. It makes sense. There’s more room for error with a high handicapper and that can swing both ways.

But what are the actual odds of going low? How rare is it? Luckily, some eggheads with a spreadsheet have done this for us.

For our purposes, let’s look at a 15-handicapper who plays 50 rounds a year. What do you think the odds are of this guy shooting an 81 on a par 72 (rated 72) course?

1 in 20?

1 in 50?

1 in 100?!

Try 1 in 323. In other words, once every six and a half years. That’s what I call a long shot.

And the odds of this character shooting under 80?

1 in 1,138. That’s once every 23 years. Half a golfing life by most standards.

Kids, do you now understand why Daddy “accidentally” ran over the Big Wheel in the driveway, yelled at the tool shed and pulled a boxwood out of the ground in one Hulkian heave?

Bless the USGA, it has done everything it can to make sure the handicap system functions fairly. Its purpose, really, is to weed out sandbaggers and penalize exceptional rounds. A couple low scores can really bring your handicap down – as it should. Your handicap is supposed to reflect you at your best, not at your average.

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So how do sandbaggers beat the system? The bottom line is – bad data in, bad data out.

Here are some tips to shame the sandbaggers at your club into submission.

If they fail to put in a good score, tape the scorecard to the GHIN machine in the Pro Shop. Also, tape it to their forehead.

When they walk off the 16th green after closing out your match, then fail to post the round because it was “incomplete”, remind them that the USGA has a solution for that. Or perhaps say, “at least you can post the net 27 you shot on the front.”

When they fail to use equitable stroke control and perform some “handicap management” by making a 14 on the last hole, simply take your hat off, shake their hand, and say, “Nice double bogey there.”

Next. Johnny Miller talks choking, open mics, apologies. dark

Sandbaggers get away with it because most folks are too polite to say anything. This is your permission to unleash your inner Don Rickles. We all need to do our part.

And if YOU go really low in your next club tournament? Well, then, congratulations! You obviously just had the round of your life. You should probably buy drinks for everyone in the grill.

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