Doris Chen fiasco is a reminder of when parents get too involved

Last week, Doris Chen’s mother was possibly involved in getting her daughter disqualified from a tournament. When parents get too involved on the course, its bad for everyone involved.

When I first saw the story of Doris Chen getting disqualified for playing a ball her mother may (or may not) have moved, it reminded me of multiple occasions I have seen while coaching on the course of instances when parents get too involved.

Before we get too far, I want to say that this isn’t an attack on parents. There are so many great ones out there who support their kids, and do it in the right way. They follow at the distance they are supposed to. They never start conversations with their child, and only politely cheer at a respectful volume. There’s great coaches like Justin Thomas’s dad, Mike Thomas.

Unfortunately, there are a couple out there that make it awkward for everyone involved, including coaches, their own kids, and other kids in their own child’s group.

Some of the parents get too involved, but it isn’t too big of an issue with their actions. They walk a little close to their kids, they try and give advice from a distance. A kid who is focused, and the kids in their group can ignore it. These aren’t the ones that cause problems.

It’s the parents who actively make themselves a part of their child’s round, or interfere with the field and pace of play that really effect the game. There are two types that come to mind, and both can easily be avoided.

The first is what allegedly happened with Doris Chen’s mother. She was walking ahead of her daughter on the course. This almost always leads to issues. The parent could be holding up play by not being far enough away as they try and watch their child. They could also be imposing on the group ahead making them uncomfortable. When parents do this, there is also an added suspicion of cheating.

It may not be founded upon anything. When a parent is ahead of the group with no one watching them watching for their child’s ball, it can lead to unpleasant situations. When a parent finds every ball that gets hit by their child in a near OB area, questions arise. It makes all the kids in the group uncomfortable, and coaches as well.

That doesn’t happen too often, thankfully. The one that happens more often is parents trying to actively coach. This is a big no-no, and it just isn’t in golf either. Anyone who has seen any sport at nearly any level, there are parents who think they know better than the coaches. Maybe they do, but unfortunately, golf is one of the only sports in which it can get their child disqualified.

When parents get too involved actively talking and coaching, it makes for some very difficult situations. Outside coaching can get a golfer DQ’d from a match. This only escalates the potential coach/golfer/parent tension. Think of how easy it can be to get distracted during a round. Especially when a win is on the line, or a high place at a match.

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When coaches have to get involved in separating and resolving this issue, it isn’t good for anyone. As with any sport, coaches encourage the parents to be involved. The one thing that cant be stressed enough is waiting until after the match to say something, or finding the coach and talking with them away from the golfer.

We understand that you want to help your child succeed. Who wouldn’t? In golf, it becomes that much easier to do with how wide open a course is, and how thinly coaches are spread as well.

Coaches are out there for a reason. Yes, golf is the most difficult sport to coach when it comes to spending time with each athlete as you need to check on each of them in a round. That doesn’t mean that a parent needs to be there with them constantly.

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Golf is the one sport where we can’t call timeout. We can’t pull your child for a couple minutes to talk with them like in a basketball game. Offense and defense aren’t an option like in baseball or football. Working through it on your own to strengthen the mental part of your game is just as important as having a coach next to you.

They are going to grow and mature by being out there and enjoying the struggles and achievements they earn. Not in feeling like their parent did it for them. When parents get too involved, it ruins it for everyone. Let them play, they will thank you in the end.

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